| DECODE |
[25 Nov 2009|12:53am] |
[M]
- " Oh, so those guys ain't your type.. What kinda guys are? See if i can fit into your criteria ;) "
- " Hmmm, i don't exactly dig nerdy girls la, unless you're one ;) "
- " You emo? don't emo la... I'm not telling cos i can't tell. Aiyo, thanks ah, why dont you kiss me on my forehead instead? I'll die a happy man.. haha! "
- " Too tall as in me? Wah, first time people say me tall. For you i'd gladly be a shorty la, lol. "
Does it bear any meaning?
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[20 Nov 2009|01:07am] |
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Broken inside.
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| Last christmas i got my heart broken, |
[19 Nov 2009|02:26am] |
hello blog, you still alive?
I have this intense urge to blog today. Thou i think nobody reads this blog anymore because i never bothered to post any entries about myself and the things happening around me anymore, and, on top of that, noone really knows about the existant of this online diary anyway.
Come to think about it, only less than a handful of my friends are informed about it.
So currently, we are in the month of november. School so far, has been fine, life after school has been more than fine. Been actively participating in most of the events organised by the student population, probably due to the fact that most of the people inside the committee are my friends, and, since these are all fun stuff, why not just join have fun and at the same time support them? Schedule from july until now, not a single week had passed without an event. Happening or taxing or compromising play from studying, you decide.
To summarize,
- July: [1] ECR- to choose our timetable, [2] Malaysia, [3] Freshmen Orientation Camp, [4] Floorball Orientation Camp, [5] Freshmen Orientation Bash.
- August: [1] Floorball Trainings, [2] Outings FOD/FOC ( many many ), [3] Muay Thai-Judo Camp, [4] Lunar 7th Month, haha.
- September: [1] FOC outings, [2] TUITION! argh. [3] Games Fest Week, [4] Darren's 21st, (5) Earth Hour.
- October: [1] Mid Autumn Festive Celebration, [2] BBQ, (3) Mambo w FOD, [4] Fright Night!, [5] Marcus sent me a msg on fb, ^^
- November: [1] Pageant Audition, [2] Casting Call photoshoot, [3] APEC work, [4] Elwin birthday celebration @ Timbre Arthouse, [5] Robinson private sale for cardholders' waitressing ( when actually i just smiled, acted pretty, served drinks/food and said thank you. Pay's @ 9/hr, totally didnt mind being a bimbo for that., lol. ), [6] CITY VENTURE!!
i'm really looking forward to CV, cos i love amazing races! and... partially because M's inside the committee, :b
- December: *tentatively [1] BASH AND PAGEANT
- January: * [1] Genting with OG5.8
Yes i concluded i'd been busy doing all the nonsense stuff and not doing anything more serious like, eg. studying. )=
On a side note, i realised how people come and go so quickly in my life lately. Okay, maybe i've been the one causing most of the damage. I think i've hurt and broke a few hearts. I'm not trying to keep a record boasting or whatnot, just trying to keep a checklist for myself to observe.
People involved/might be involved in no particular order, be it past, present or maybe even future?- Valmond
- Leonard
- Elita
- Marcus
- David
- Marco
So to summarize, currently i'm a little infatuated with M. He has this innocent smile that is just too hard for me to resist. Nothing else.
I don't think i'm prepared to lose my freedom for a special someone yet. I'm not ready to get my heart broken, be sad, mourn and engage in some profound selfpity session.
Might have developed a new phobia since yh's incident.
But generally, i'm glad to have met some amazingly caring and nice school mates. Despite being friends for prbably just 4 months, they've been nothing short of a bunch of fun and genuine people; Tzehoe, Jason, Yumin, Gris, Pris, Darren. Thank god for them, i'm looking forward to attending school again.
Another time, goodnight.
(:
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[21 Jul 2009|01:45am] |
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I want to cry. But it seems so hard, why?
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[21 Jul 2009|12:52am] |
Sometimes i just don't feel like talking. It doesn't mean anything.
I'm experiencing a range of emotions from an unknown source, the complexity of it can get quite overwhelming.
I wish i was devoid of the consciousness that involves feelings.
There's nothing wrong with anyone, its just me. I just want to be left alone.
Do understand.
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| getting back in a bit.. |
[16 Jun 2009|02:38am] |
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QUICK UPDATES. - I look like a haggard woman now. I look 30!
- My biological clock needs serious adjustment. Staying up so much late at night is taking a toll on my body and eyes!
- Met sam after work today. I don't know what i can comment about his 'mlm' company. I'm really skeptical about it, and i need t talk t some people in order t make an informed decision.
- Grandma's 84th bday celebration on 27th at Pan pac and 29th at Shangri La Hotel.
- Officially leaving Global Sources on 30th june. I believe they don't have enough budgets t further extend my contract, and besides, i doubt the department can survive pass this year.
- Arbitrarily, i'd be damn free in the month of july.
- I am going t sound stupid, bimbo and crazy, but i'm in love w ji hoo/kim hyun joong.
- LOL.
Currently, its all work now and that's how my june 2009's gonna be.
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[05 Jun 2009|01:12am] |
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I want t believe that god has plans for me. My future seems so bleak.
):
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| forever's come, and gone... |
[24 May 2009|10:58pm] |
My heart mourns for that someone tonight. Someone who was so dear and close t me.
I chanced upon his photos on jeanette's 20th bday album and visited his profile. I realised how foreign he is to me now. He looks so different. A stranger now, a person i previously used to know so well.
In his commissioning album, he removed some of our individual pictures although he still has this 'footprints' picture on his wall photos. I wonder why. Through his pictures, he seems to be enjoying himself of late, embracing freedom and radiating contentment from his single-hood perhaps? And i dreamed of him last night.
The dream was cruel and upsetting to me. Dreamed that i still happen to have the keys to his house. In that episode i already knew that we've separated, but decided t visit his home one last time anyway. I viewed the photos displayed in the hall, sat on his sofa anecdote the moments we shared internally to myself. Just when i was quite engrossed in my thoughts, he came back. He came back with his brother, and when he saw me, he literally scolded me and said really nasty stuff, chasing me out of the house leaving me zero opportunities t explain myself. It was heartbreaking. Then i woke up, though i still had lingering effect on the trauma from the dream.
On several occasions, i thought about the happy times we had together. Stupid, silly topics we discussed, like how every single inch of his body can be covered with hair, from his ears, to his cheeks, and the barb-wired looking ones on his legs, and the names our son and daughter, of how his children will call him 'fur ball' and 'shi fu' in the future. Simple, innocent, happy moments. I wonder if he remembers any of it at all. I've never had hopes getting back together with him, at least i dismissed them quite effectively when i have one. I doubt i have the courage t deal w it again. On my entire second year with him, there was no one period, collectively, that i was truly happy. It was a living hell for me. No ups, purely downs. I almost sink into depression, really.
I've never been so dejected and miserable for such a long period. One year is very long period for a person like me to be in a state like that. So much so that, i think i've developed a phobia in committing to any relationships. A commitment problem now i have. haha
Tonight is one of the rare nights i teared. I've passed the crying stage because too much was shed during that second year. I don't know if i'm still in love with him, maybe unknowingly i still do, but... I wish him well, and be happy. Because everyone deserves it.
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[21 May 2009|01:23am] |
SERIAL MONOGAMY IS HIDDEN POLYGAMY.
What is your take on this?
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[20 May 2009|02:01am] |
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Attended mich's grad ceremony today. She had this friend who was so attractive, she blew my mind away.
Mich doesn't know anything, and i don't intend t tell her. She might think i'm a freak, trying t hit on her friend or smthg. Hahah ok shhh, no prize for guessing who, you can try anyway. (and i know you will jg, hahaha)
( <picture intensive> )
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| random quick post. |
[18 May 2009|12:40am] |
This week is going to be an exciting and event(s)ful/full week!
Tuesday, Friday, Saturday. Its all neatly packed.
:D
and i havent uploaded my long overdue hk pics, i dont know when i can get that fat ass of mine moving t get it done. so many photos not uploaded and posted HERE. Speaking of ass, my butt is small and flat like its non-existant at all. HELP. Lol
And i need a new hair colour! My highlights are disgusting like shiat.
k.night.bye.
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| forgiving, eventually. |
[11 May 2009|07:25pm] |
" draw strength from the knowledge that everything happens for a reason, and what will be.. will be. "
being romantically involved w any person is unhealthy for me.
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[09 May 2009|11:56am] |
One hell of a crazy night.
The word is Fantabulous.
(:
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| FUCK POST. |
[08 May 2009|01:05am] |
I am fuckingly happy today, i can use fuck as a verb, adverb, noun, whichever fuck you want me t use.
HAHA.
Tell me why i fucking need a guy when everything is sunny and bright happening on my side now.
Fucking amazing friends, family, colleagues (okay some: Ken, Llynal. Actually two, lol).
OH FUCK. Life's too good for me. HAHAH.
I've been doing alot of fashion blog surfing lately, into the wee hours of the night, and i'm digging t get some fuckingly slutty killer heelz. Not that i wear them damn often, i but i fucking like the adrenaline of storing them in my racks. Potential items into my collection of shoe pornography.
They give me visual organsm. LOL.
Sorry ladies, for the vulgarities. But i know you still lubb mii deepzx deepxz. =D
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[30 Apr 2009|12:58am] |
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Like how i said i've decided to completely let go of him, i still can't explain why i'm unable to bring myself to delete his pictures away from my camera.
2 months and 8 days. I still think of you subconciously.
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[26 Apr 2009|02:48pm] |
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Customizing this layout without the advertisment board obstructing is totally pissing me off.
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